Preparing a talk for Young Adults, Singles, Et.al.

I get to share at Four14 tomorrow night. I chose for my topic, "Who is Jesus and what difference does it make?" Lately, I have had trouble focusing the topic. I taught the lesson for Internationals as "Portraits of Jesus: Seeing Jesus in Four Pictures from the Gospels." 

But now I need to fashion a talk so that everyone who hears the talk will know that knowing who Jesus is doesn't clarify what you do or don't do, but crystallizes who you are.  I want all who hear my talk to have a different orientation.  I need them to hear, "Orient yourself NOT to what you do or don't do for Christ; but in who you are in Christ!"

In my own journey in the Lord, I need to continually rehearse who I am. As a pastor it's so easy to forget who I am and obsess over what I do or don't get done. It's more difficult to be.

Thus, knowing who you are in Christ makes all the difference in your faith journey.  I know that it makes a great difference in mine.  So, as I work on the talk I need insight from you.

I wonder if you find it just as challenging to live in light of who you are in Christ rather than fixate on what you do for Christ.  Share your thoughts tonight. I may use representative comments in my talk tomorrow night.

Four14 "He who has Ears, let him hear"

photo by ben tubby
As I review my lesson today for tomorrow nights talk at Four14, I want to add material regarding biblical principles of listening.

Two principles stand out to me. First, let the other person speak without interruption. Read Proverbs 18:13. Second, make listening to the other and not speaking your priority. Read James 1:19; Proverbs 10:10 and 17:27.

I find this skill of listening to be so difficult. I discover that while someone is talking, I am beginning to think about what I want to say rather than actively listening to what the person is saying. I am guilty of poor listening. But I thank God that I can learn new habits that will improve my relationships.

I googled for a helpful place to visit for more practical ideas for active listening, and I found a blog post by David Gray who lists the ten commandments of active listening. His suggestions help to flesh out what the biblical principles of listening look like in real life. I especially like the "use follow trails" tip. I did not like the first commandment, "empty your mind." I'd rather keep a sound mind instead. Anyways, please let me know how implementing the rules apply to your life--good or bad.

Questions to ask before you open your mouth

photo by patrick dentler

I am teaching at Four14 this Thursday so I am providing some bonus material here on my blog addressing how to cultivate great relationships by implementing six principles of biblical communication into your life.

The first principle is speak the truth in love. In Ephesians 4:15, the phrase, "speak the truth in love," stands as a command. It is in the imperative tense. Speak! So silence and clamming up are not options for the Christ-follower. It is unbiblical to keep things locked up inside you. No one can read your mind (read I Corinthians 2:11). So, your responsibility as a Christ-follower is to speak truth lovingly. But first, it is to speak--don't clam up.

Since the Christ-followere is to speak. Here are the questions to ask before you speak:

• Is what I would like to say true? (Ephesians 4:25)



• Is what I would like to say profitable? (Ephesians 4:29)



• Is this the proper time to say it, or should I wait? (Proverbs 15:23, 28)



• Is my attitude right? (Ephesians 4:31-32)



• Am I saying this in the right way? (Proverbs 15:1)



• Is what I would like to say necessary for the good of the other? (Ephesians 4:29)



• Is what I would like to say pleasing to God? (Psalm 19:14)

Please check out the Bible verses after each question to read how the question emerges from the Biblical data. Before you speak, ask yourself these questions. Your communication will be greatly improved if you implement these into your relationship skill set.

You will discover great relationships as you work these into your life. You will have to work hard at it. Great relationships are not formulaic, but dynamic. So work hard at implemting these biblical principles into your life. Share what you are trying to do with your life-group or a trusted friend so that you can leverage accountability and glean from the support of others.

Please let me know of an incident or incidents in which you had an opportunity to use one of the rules. Share what happened, what you did, and how you applied (or should have applied) one or more of the rules. Be sure to state which rule or rules were applicable.

Good communication equals great relationships

photo by lorri37

In my short time on earth (forty-three years) I am still learning to communicate better. I feel that I am a novice at communication sometimes. Then I feel like I am an expert at other times. I do know that I am on the journey to developing better communication skills to develop great relationships.

The bible provides great insight into how I can have great relationships. I don't want to merely cope or to only survive in relationships. I want to experience and to enhance relationships from good to great ones.

This week I get to teach at Four14. I sat in on a session a few weeks ago to check things out. I was impressed by the numbers of people who attended. I praise God for a growing community of believers in Christ who want to follow hard after Jesus and who desire deep, loving relationships.

So on Thursday, July 3, I get to share about how to develop great relationships by applying six principles of biblical communication. I hope the young adults who attend will capture and implement these principles and grow into great relationships for the rest of their lives. It'll take hard work, persistence, forgiveness, etc. But great relationships can grow from good relationships. I can't wait to share and to follow up on what God is going to do in their lives.

One of the things I'll share about is the truth that you can only pursue great relationships from your side of the equation alone. It is not wrong to desire a great relationship. This is a good and biblical desire, but you can only pursue it as a goal on your side of the relationship. Otherwise, your gola would include changing the other person. Changing people is only the perogative of God alone. Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people." You can try to manipulate others or coerce them but you will only become frustrated. You can only control your side of the relationship--as far as it depends on you.

I intend to post a couple of items regarding biblical communication in the month of July on my blog as a follow-up and may include them on the Four14 website or resource them for use at Four14.